Broken Families in Broken Homes

by - August 13, 2016

Written on August, 8th 2016. Edited on August, 13th 2016

Disclaimer: Members of my family should maybe skip this one as I don't want to upset anyone.

I'm writing this while two people are fighting in front of my room. As a kid I always spied on scenes like that. I crawled behind the door and used one of these rectangular tubes with the little mirror inside to look around the corner. Most of the time I didn't understand what they were fighting about.

That changed. For once I don't sneak on arguments anymore. I try to avoid them at all costs. Recently I've found that it works best to lock me inside my room, put on my headphones, play some beautifully depressing music really loud and write. It doesn't take my mind off things but it helps me put them into perspective.

I'm currently living with one person who's either being super hyper and tryna be my bestie after years of literally ignoring me or pissed at everything I do. The other person's either arguing with said person or treating them like a sick puppy.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I'm blessed to have them in life. But sometimes I feel like it all should be easier. It shouldn't be this hard to get along with each other. And especially lately I haven't felt 100% comfortable at home. And that's certainly not how it should be. Your home and family should be your safe haven. For me, my home isn't anymore. All I can think about is how bad I wanna move out. I'm constantly miserable and I'm sick of feeling this way. During the next few weeks I'll try to get out as often as possible to recharge myself. I need to remember how it feels to not worry all the time. Most importantly I need to make myself my own home. My safe haven that hasn't ever seen any arguments or families screaming at each other and crying and having mental breakdowns. A clean slate for a new start.

That's all.

P.S. I'm fine. Seriously. Just having a bad day... or a bad month or whatever. I don't need no interventions tho. xo

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