A C R S

You are the monster lurking beneath my bed.
You are the bogeyman waiting in my closet.
You are the flickering shadows in the dark corners of my room.
You are the very fabric that is woven into my nightmares.
When everyone turns their back, You take off your mask
and show the beast, that You truly are.

You wear a costume and live in the flock.
Just another face amongst the many innocent.
No one pays attention to You.
No one sees You, truly.
No one knows that your costume is made
from all the sheep You held in your claws,
ripped out their throat with your sharp teeth.
For You are the wolf hiding
in the skin of your victims,
between your next meals.

I see right through your shield.
I can see your soul, truly.
I know your next move before you do.
The way you think is no stranger to me.
We're not that different after all.
Except - of course - that you give in
to your demons, while I
keep locking mine away.
Those are the choices we made.
And therefore we are on different teams,
heading into different directions
but ultimately,
headed towards each other
to fight the last battle,
that only one can win.

(you can't manipulate me.
i can't be fooled.
because all those years you spat your venom at me
one drop at a time, i became immune.
the one person that can defeat you, you created yourself.
you may be the wolf, but i am the hunter.)

There once was a girl in a far away land that was always tired.

Even as a baby the little girl slept all day and all night. But whenever her parents awoke her, she started crying like a hound and soon fell asleep again for she was always tired.

The little girl got older and now had duties to fulfill.
She had to rise early, earlier even than the sun. She had to walk many a miles to get to school. Over hills and under trees. Down narrow paths and through raging rivers.
Exhausted she eventually arrived in class. The teacher would teach her about unteachable things. Hours upon hours a soothing soprano talked about trigonometry and astronomy and biochemistry and all the girl could concentrate on was sleep. Her head became heavier, her eyelids started fluttering and within a nick of time, she was sound asleep dreaming about triangles and stars and enzymes. The teacher of course, got very upset, raised the pointer, aimed for the little girl's fingers and whoosh! The girl shrieked awake and almost fell off her chair.
This lovely routine went on for a while until the teacher was tired of the girl being tired. She grabbed her by the ears and dragged her - through raging rivers and down narrow paths, under trees and over hills - all the way to her family, who was most disappointed about the lacking interest for education of their daughter.
'Mummy, mummy, I can explain!', the little girl cried.
'Go on, explain', the mother said.
'You know I sleep well at night', the girl pleaded. 'I sleep and sleep for hours-'
'And never do any work', the father interrupted.
'I can't help myself I'm just always so very tired. It must be a curse!'
The girl was quite happy with the explanation she came up with. Her parents weren't and had her clean the privy for two fortnights.

I can't go on like this, the little girl thought to herself. So she taught herself methods to stay awake. First she tried pinching herself. That worked right enough but she was quickly covered in pink scars from head to toe. Sunday came around and she was too ashamed to go to church looking like a beggar's child.
Secondly she thought some horrible thoughts whenever she got tired. She imagined mean Mr. Downey, the neighbour from across the street, chopping down her beloved apple tree. This unsettled her so much that she could not possibly fall asleep. But after a while she had to think of new things. She moved onto the third method after she came home crying because she thought about her grandmother suddenly dying.
The third method was the best method. She was really proud of it. Every morning she stood in front of the mirror and dipped her fingers into charcoal and goat cheese and drew two wide awake eyes on her lids. Unfortunately, her trick was revealed when the teacher asked her a question and the girl stared her straight in the eyes not saying a word, not even blinking.

Her parents were so embarrassed about this incident that they send their daughter off to the loony bin. The girl lived a happy life there. The madhouse was the perfect place for a day-long nap every day of the week. Unhappily, the doctors soon became aware of her extraordinary sleeping habit. They were most interested in the medical case of the sleeping girl that was always tired. And so they did what every reasonable medico would do. They put her in a lab and ran a great amount of tests. No sleep for 24 hours, no sleep for two weeks, switching between exercise and sleep every 30 minutes, drinking an ounce of whisky before going to sleep, wearing a pink dress to sleep and lastly: sleeping until she would sleep no more. The last test was never finished due to a careless cleaner who woke the girl after three months during which the quacks utterly forgot they were still running an experiment on the girl and to be exact, forgot about the girl too. As soon as they were reminded of her they were curious once again. How can a girl, who's hardly awake always be tired without being sick?

It didn't take long for a journalist to find out about this. Journalists seem to gravitate towards news stories like the girl towards bed. Each paper and every magazine wrote about the sleeping girl that is always tired. People were fascinated by her. They wrote stories and songs and every corner whispered: 'Have you heard about the girl? She is always sleeping and tired even more.'

Sooner or later the chitchat reached an electrician. Overly excited he contacted the girl's parents.
'Can you cure her?', the mother asked.
'No', he said. 'Definitely not. But I can help both you and the girl and the rest of the village.'
And this is how: the electrician found a way to turn the girl's snoring into electricity. He built a huge machine with many wires and buttons attached to it. It made a lot of beeping noises and frankly, looked quite scary. He put a medical mask over the girl's mouth and connected it to the machine. At the other end he plugged in a light bulb and ding! It lit up sure enough.
The parents were extremely happy about those circumstances for it meant they could charge people to buy their electricity. The village was extremely happy about this too for the village was so far out in the woods, that they've never been able to have electricity ever before.

And the girl?
The girl slept and slept and slept forevermore. And their was a smile on her lips for all eternity.

On New Year's Eve 2015 / 2016 about 40 men sexually assaulted and robbed women in front of the Cologne Central Station. So far, 379 women have filed charges¹. Two of them claim to have been raped².

In this particular post is about sexual assault, how it is defined and how it is punished in Germany. The reference (occuring later) could be seen as cherry-picking, nonetheless I did that intentionally to create a contrast and give the different penalties a subtext. Due to a lack of time, I also did not research if and how the offenses are charged.

According to various online newspapers, this is what happened on New Year's Eve at the station: after a group of approximately 1000 people formed in front of the building showing violent behaviour, some of them touched women and stole their phones and purses. A few newspapers suggest that the touching was meant to distract from the robberies. One woman described being in the crowd as 'running the gauntlet'³.

After the events in Cologne, politicians have talked about a stricter penalty for sexual assault. These are current definitions and penalties in Germany:

(As important later on) sexual acts: there is no clear definition im Strafgesetzbuch, but taking other laws under consideration it can be defined as actions that are aimed at the person's sex and involve the person's own or another person's body
showing a child pornographic material therefore is not defined as a sexual act
if an act is sexual or not is objectively decided (not by the victim)⁴

(As important later on) consent: two or more persons agreeing upon the same thing in the same sense⁵
the Wiki page for consent exists in only 6 languages, the German page did not include a definition

sexual harassment: a form of assault aimed at the victim's sex, this may be sexist remarks or actions and physical approximations with or without promises or threats⁶
sexual harassment is only punishable if 'special circumstances show an insulting nature'
the victim is only allowed self-defence while the offender is touching the victim, if the offender is hit by the victim afterwards (if the victim did not have to fear another harassment), the former victim can be punished for mayhem⁷
For reference: In India, 'sexual harassment is an expressed offence and can be punished with up to three years of imprisonment and or with fine'⁸.

sexual assault: sexual acts with minors or adults that are incapable of resistence (meaning they are not able to form or express the will to resist)⁹
the German law protects the right of sexual self-determination which is violated if sexual acts take place without or against the victim's will (this also applies if the victim is incapable of resistence or the victim's apparent consent is induced by its special relationship to the offender)¹⁰
if the offender recklessly causes the victim's death, the offender can be punished with up to ten years of imprisonment¹¹
sexual assault is punished differently according to the situation, which I will not define further in this post
since sex itself is considered a sexual action in Germany, what is defined as 'rape' in other countries (e.g. South Africa¹²) can be considered sexual assault in Germany

sexuelle Nötigung / rape: in Germany, rape counts as a severe case of sexuelle Nötigung (this is a different thing (in law) than sexual assault, however, both are translated in English with sexual assault)
sexuelle Nötigung are sexual actions against the victim's will¹³ (apart from the victim not being incapable of resistence, there does not seem to be a difference to sexual assault)
rape occurs if a person is forced against their will - meaning there is an imminent threat to limb or life or the offender abuses a situation in which the victim is defenseless against the offender's actions - to have sex (vaginal, oral or anal penetration) or to do other very humiliating sexual actions that are connected to the body's penetration¹⁴
I could not find a definition of very humiliating actions, so I guess it depends on the judge's personal opinion
sexuelle Nötigung has to be punished with at least one year and no more than five years of imprisonment apart from less severe cases that can be punished with only six months¹⁵
if the actions are extremely humiliating (again, there is no definition), especially if they are connected to the body's penetration (rape) or if there is more than one offender it has to be punished with at least two years of imprisonment¹⁵
it has to be punished with at least three years and no more than ten years of imprisonment apart from less severe cases that can be punished with only one year if the offender has a tool or weapon with them helping to force the victim to do said sexual actions or if the crime results in the risk of serious damage to the victim's health¹⁵ (I could only find a definition for severe mayhem, which does include psychological damages¹⁶, meaning that depression, anxiety or other similar illnesses often occuring after being raped should fall under this law. Considering that, almost every rape should not be punished with less than three years of imprisonment)
it has to be punished with at least five years and no more than ten years of imprisonment apart from less severe cases that can be punished with only one year if the offender uses a dangerous tool or weapon or severely physically mistreats (I suppose the definition for severe mayhem applies here too, in this case meaning: losing vision, hearing or the ability to speak; losing / permanently not being able to use an important limb; permanently being disfigured or suffering of infirmity, paralysis, mental illnesses or disability¹⁶) the victim or endangers the victim's life¹⁵

In conclusion: In Germany rape only occurs if the rapist threatened or harmed its victim. If the victim said 'no' or simply did not consent to the sexual actions, it does not fall under the definition of sexuelle Nötigung, which means that a lot of (informally-called) rapists probably are not sentenced or 'only' sentenced for sexual assault.

There is a study claiming that only 8.4% of accused rapists have been sentenced in Germany in 2012¹⁷. However, the study does not give any background information on its data and was published by the controversial Dr. Christian Pfeiffer, so I would not trust these numbers too much. I could not find any other statistics on the matter.

¹http://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/uebergriffe-in-koeln-zahl-der-anzeigen-steigt-auf-fast-400-a-1071283.html
²http://www.zeit.de/gesellschaft/zeitgeschehen/2016-01/koeln-silvester-sexuelle-uebergriffe-raub-faq
³http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/justiz/koeln-was-in-der-silvesternacht-am-bahnhof-geschah-a-1070625.html
⁴https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuelle_Handlung
⁵https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consent
⁶https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuelle_Bel%C3%A4stigung
⁷https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuelle_Bel%C3%A4stigung#Deutschland
⁸https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment#India
⁹https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexueller_Missbrauch and https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexueller_Missbrauch_widerstandsunf%C3%A4higer_Personen#Tatbestand
¹⁰https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexueller_Missbrauch#Strafrechtliche_Sanktionierung
¹¹https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexueller_Missbrauch#Handlungen_gegen_den_Willen_des_Opfers
¹²https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assault#South_Africa
¹³https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuelle_N%C3%B6tigung
¹⁴https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vergewaltigung#Strafrecht
¹⁵http://www.strafgesetzbuch-stgb.de/stgb/177.html
¹⁶http://www.strafgesetzbuch-stgb.de/stgb/226.html
¹⁷http://www.kfn.de/versions/kfn/assets/Presseerklaerung_Vergewaltigung.pdf

"It's your fault!"
"No, it's your fault!"
"How can it be my fault?!"
"It surely isn't my fault!"
Screaming voices all around me, I can't stand that noise!
Thrilling, pounding, hammering, shrieking sounds!
Horrible! Terrible!
Cover up your ears! Hurry! Put on some music! Loud music!
Loud? No, not again, please! Quiet music, just be quiet!
My head keeps spinning, doesn't know where up and down, right and wrong, left, no straight!
Straight out of here, that's where I need to go, need to be alone!
Lonely on an island, just me and my thoughts... wait, thoughts are flooding me, they won't stop!
Buried by this fuss about nothing! Ridiculous! Why can't you just shut up! Your mouthes, they keep opening up!
Nothing comes out but nonsense! Is that all? Surely, you got more, you always do and never listen!
Listen
Listen
Listen
To the quietness, the noiselessness, the absolute, utter and complete silence.
Like honey and milk it covers my soul, embraces my heart.
My brain is light like a feather it flies into the nothingness.
Sweet, sweet nothing. Sweeter silence...
Bittersweet, it tastes to me. Wrong. Something's missing. Don't know what. Don't wanna know.
Just wanna float on the stream of absent sounds.
Haven't heard that in a while.
Oh, grace, oh, mercy, what have I done to deserve this silence? So beautiful a thing.
Such melody and harmony in my very ears and tears of joy and hope...fully this will last.
Just one more note.

A genius left our world today. Sir Terence David John Pratchett, OBE, passed away a few hours ago. At only 66 years, he has already been fighting Alzheimer for 8 years. Terry Pratchett was the author of the Discworld novels and some other great works with Neil Gaiman, Stephen Baxter and many many more. His books are funny, modern, slightly satirical and most of all: inspiring. The world he created catches you and never lets you leave. You get caught up in the streets of Ankh-Morpork and fall in love with Rincewind, Tiffany, the librarian, the wee free men and all the other lovely characters. But despite being an amazing author, Terry Pratchett also donated a lot of money to save his favourite animals, the orang-utans and to the Alzheimer Research Foundation as almost every family experiences this disease at one point or another. He got knighted by the queen and got many awards for his great work.

I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. Mainly because I don't stick to them anyways. But this year I did set myself a goal. One that I really want to achieve and that I seriously enjoy doing. Reading. Recently I've got a bunch of books from my father's private library. I also had a few books at home I hadn't read yet. I've counted the pages of all of those books and they're about 18.000. Now, I'm not naive enough to think, that I can read that much in a year. I'm attending 12th grade at a grammar school and have to read books for school, too. But, if I split the pages over two years, I had to read about 26 pages a day. Which is an acceptable amount, I think. Obviously there are some days I won't be able to read at all, but there are also some days on the weekends or during the holidays, when I'll read a lot more than 26 pages.

Hopefully I'll be able to reach my aim and I'll keep you udated on the way and maybe even do some reviews on the books. Now, make yourself a cuppa tea, get real comfortable and have a little read. I certainly will.

xx

P.S. One resolution I'm also thinking about is being nicer, because I can be a real dick sometimes. Although I'm not sure if I'm able to manage that...

Straight Stuff (without very serious pictures from Iceland though)

Writing has always been an easy way to express myself. You don't need to think of a good answer at the top of your head. You can think about what you want to say and improve how you're saying it. The spoken word is beautiful but the written one is touching. I already had a few blogs but I quit all of them, because I felt the need to make better pictures and longer posts in an attempt to gain more followers. But that doesn't really matter, does it? Because at the end of the day, you're the only one, that has to like yourself and what you're creating. Which is why, this time, I started my blog for just one matter: to write down my thoughts and share my opinions. And I don't care if only two people or no one at all reads what I have to say. It is what I want to do. So, I'll just do it.

I'm starting from zero. Pretending that there never were any crappy blogs of mine about product reviews and topics, I'm not really interested in. This blog is dedicated to my opinions and topics, that matter to me. This is Straight Stuff that comes into mind and needs to be published.

xx